Sunday, August 28, 2016

Granny speaks up for abused children and asks you for your help

"This sweet angel was looking forward to celebrating her birthday.  So that's what we're going to do.  Please bring bubbles that we will be sending to Heaven." Bonnie brought me somethin' from a place called Facebook, I need to share with you about a lovely child named Victoria who died so awfully it makes this old heart break, but there are things we all can do to stop these terrible things.
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Every day a small child dies.  And every day I weep.   Children beaten, hurt and killed.  Children die in war.  And little ones get sick from workin' in the dust, from diseases we could cure.  This Granny sees a world of love and one that's filled with pain.  It's only we can change things so babies just have love, and Granny has a plan.

Saturday, August 27, 2016

Bein' alone ain't right when there is love to share


"Hey, Mabel, let's go to Natchitoches and visit with those uptown folks.  You need to be gettin' out.  I think that candy ain't so good for you.  And Granny knows that sweet things and bein' alone, they often go together.  And that's how Mabel's business may be hers but in some ways it is mine.

Mabel spends a lotta time alone, and I tells her that ain't good.  She's been puttin' on the pounds, and her diabetes is gettin' worse.  I been thinkin' it's the candy and her not gettin' out, cause when you don't be doin' much, you probably eatin' more.  Granny sees that all the time and knows that Mabel needs some friends who care that she's all right.  Cause when we care for others, well they turn round care for you.  Let me tell you how that works.

Friday, August 26, 2016

Granny tells Susie how Cloutierville became heaven

Photo by Rhonda Sanders, used with permission
Cloutierville is heaven on earth; Granny knows.  Susie sits on my lap with the sunshine kissin' her sweet little face as she looks up and asks, "Granny, where did I come from and why do you tell everybody that Cloutierville is just like heaven and what happened that made it that way?"

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Your fault is findin' fault with others

Mrs. Robinson in blue jeans in Cloutierville
"Look at that woman, dressed in those tight blue jeans and wigglin' her fanny and thinkin' she's better than the rest of us.  Besides that outfit makes her look really cheap.   I wouldn't want my brothers or my son even near someone like that." And  I just shakes my  head and thinks, Bonnie's problem is findin' fault with others, one of those things people do when they has nothin' smart to say.

Saturday, August 13, 2016

'Ain't seen water so bad,' Granny says of Louisiana, world rainfall

Storm in Louisiana 2016
"Granny, we are leaving the house and taking whatever we can with us.  But Jonah, my friend in New Orleans won't leave.  He says he's seen rain before, and he thinks he and his family will get through okay.  I hope he'll listen to you." And Granny is gettin' calls from everywhere cause she ain't never seen rain so bad.

Friday, August 12, 2016

Granny speaks of love's dance and Huntington's Disease

Huntington's Disease, image of Marjorie Guthrie's lecture by Joseph Martin
I watched them through the open window.  The curtains was pulled back, and I could see they was dancin.  He held her close as she stumbled, and this old Granny was weepin', thinking bout the love he had for her, even though her mind was far away and her body almost fallin' down with Huntington's Disease.  And I'm so proud of him, the greatest husband in the world.

Thursday, August 11, 2016

Granny says no nudity in the White House

Former First Lady, Manie Eisenhower
"Granny, I'm so beautiful.  Donald just loves me looking good, and he knows I was a nude model and on the covers of magazines.  If he becomes President, he told me the First Lady of Cloutierville once posed nude in Louisiana, so it should be okay with everyone if I once did it too." And I told Melania that Granny, Mamie and Bess would never have been nude models.

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Granny's Michael Phelps lesson on what to do when stuck in the mud

Michael Phelps carries the Stars and Stripes at the Olympic Games in Rio, 2016, Army photo by Tim Hipps, Wikimedia Commons
"Granny, I'm glad I listened to you years ago, when I made mistakes.  I was drinking, got arrested for driving under the influence; and I did what you told me to do.  I admitted I did wrong and changed my life.  You told me to swim in another direction, and now I am so happy, I just had to call."

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Granny says 'No shame being adopted'

Fernando Frazão/Agência Brasil photo of Simone Biles
"Wish I was like everybody else!  Why did I have to be adopted?' And Granny says, "The best in the world can come from people who births you in their hearts and maybe not their tummies.  Some person you will love so much will be the one you choose. "

Monday, August 8, 2016

Beauxregard tells Granny Cloutierville election rigged like US one

Alonzo Cornell cartoon of politicians, like Beauxregard in Cloutierville
 "If you are voting in the Cloutierville election for the Parish Board and all, you better be careful.  The election is sure to be rigged."  Beauxregard called Granny this morning tellin' me he knows this for a fact, and that the leaders of Cloutierville want to keep things as they is and aren't goin' to allow folks to vote for some outsider, like Mr. Beauxregard.

Sunday, August 7, 2016

James Corden asks Granny to sing carpool karaoke

James Corden in the car singing with Lewis Hamilton like he did with Michelle Obama and wants to do with Granny
"Granny, we can get lots of attention for Cloutierville if you join in with the rest of our group and sing carpool karaoke."  I hear James Corden's voice on the other end of the phone, and he sounds real excited, but I gotta wonder, is it safe?

Now that Michelle Obama, the President's wife, she sure was funny with James in that car them singin' up loud and strong Beyonce, the kind of music I like. I sees that car on tv just drivin' slow around the White House.  I wonder 'cause other folks have trouble enough keepin' their eyes on the road; and I'd worry if I was there with Michelle and James that folks would be starin' at me, famous like I am, and not be paying attention to drivin'.

Saturday, August 6, 2016

Granny wonders if American people are angry or just sayin'

Angry Americans (wikimedia commons)
I hear them folks on tv sayin' things like "The American people---" then goin' on to say the American people are angry.  And still those same folks say different things bout what we're supposed to be angry about and what we like or don't like, and that makes Granny wonder why folks all talk about the American people as if they knows what we think, when we is all ourselves, and those folks who talk bout us don't even agree about what we think at all.

And what right do they have to speak for us?  In Cloutierville we speak for ourselves and don't need anyone who thinks they speak for us when they likely ain't even been here.  Besides we are all different, and we like it that way.  It was the way Cloutierville started and what made this beautiful place, people with all different ways lovin' each other the way The Man Upstairs has said.  And Granny who has traveled America over and over again knows that the people who live in this country are like Granny's quilt, prettier than anything cause each of the pieces is different.

Friday, August 5, 2016

Granny turns the tables on customer service folk

Telephone customer service person
"You tellin' me you recordin' this phone call?  And you said you were goin' to be back in a few minutes, and that was half a hour ago?  I got biscuits bakin' and feedin' my family, and you been wastin' my time; and I hear people do that purposefully.  

I been hangin' on this phone most of the day, with these folks keep hangin' up or waitin' and waitin' for someone to talk to me.  The yarn I got in the mail was the wrong color, and I don't have lots of money to waste, and they said I could return it if they didn't get it right.  But every time I call, I get this same old runaround.  So I'm talkin' to this customer service person and lettin' him know what I think and what I'm gonna do.

Thursday, August 4, 2016

Granny tells Trump: Purple Heart is for not for little green men

Purple Heart, the kind given to Granny for her son, Cecil
"Granny, it's so exciting!  Did you hear what happened to me?  I got something I always wanted, and I didn't have to work for it.  I got a Purple Heart."  And I told that Donald Trump that medal isn't for little green men, it's for red-blooded ones instead.

So I says to him, "You see, my son, Cecil got a Purple Heart in World War II, fighting in the Pacific, and he never came home to his family.    He was a hero, and I got his Purple Heart framed over the mantle in the living room where I can see it good.

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Pinochet and Bubba lose their jobs after sexually harassing Granny

Sean Pinochet in the fields where Granny was pickin' pecans
I  was pickin' pecans and leanin' over one afternoon, when I saw Sean Pinochet standing there lookin' up my dress.  He said, "You sure got nice, clean underwear, Granny; and I'd like to have a cup of tea and pie with you at your house when you finish your work today."  And I was really mad, cause no man is gonna bother me like that in Cloutierville when I is on the job.

Mr. Pinochet has been in charge of the pecan pickin' in Cloutierville for many, many years.  That feller ain't good lookin', but he's the big boss; and when I told that rascal I would be tellin' all the girls how he looked up my dress and wanted to be cozy, he shook his head and said to me, "I is in charge, and you are just a woman pickin' pecans here.  So I'll look up your dress anytime I want.  And you won't be workin' for me if you don't keep your mouth shut and just be nice to me."

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Granny's example of heroism from The Diary of Anne Frank

Manuscript in a museum in Berlin of The Diary of Anne Frank
From Cloutierville, this safe and happy place, Granny has traveled everywhere for many, many years.  And she has known about some awful things, but nothing worse than what happened years ago to a little girl she remembers as Anne Frank and the kind of people who are heroes in very special ways.

I knew that little darlin', and she was pretty as could be.  And smart, Lord knows that child was smart, and Granny knew that one day that child would write a book herself. . But that book she wrote she never saw again, after she set down those words that make Granny's heart still hurt.

Monday, August 1, 2016

Granny tells world leaders tractors are better than tanks

Tractor in field, wikimedia commons
President Erdogan, you runnin' Turkey,  Prime Minister Viktor Orban you is in charge of Hungary, Bashar Al-Assad you rulin' Syria, Vladimir Putin you is the boss of Russia, you have lost your way from Cloutierville where you was born and raised, and Granny says it's time you remember lessons about tractors and how they is better than tanks.

Erdogan let me tell you this in the way you talk in Turkish, and then Granny will use English cause most of you know at least enough to understand what I mean.  You bein' mean to people, and you know how Granny feels about that, so if you don't want to get a whuppin', then read this what I'm tellin' you and mindin' your old Granny: