Monday, July 18, 2016

Clinton and Trump: On sharing the bathroom at Granny's house

Granny's outhouse
At Granny's house there's just one bathroom, and when Hillary and Donald come to visit, they'll learn the kind of manners they is gonna need.

You see here in the country the houses just have one bathroom.  No fancy stuff here.  We wait our turn, and everyone learns to be patient, take turns, stand in line.  No one is better than another person when it comes to using the bathroom.

Now babies they all knowed this living here in Cloutierville, but then they goes away, and  guess what?  They think they's high and mighty.  They tell fibs and think just because they got a fine house, they don't need to take turns anymore.  They get lots of bathrooms, and each person gets one of their own.  Granny can't imagine how that can be good, cause we all learned manners by taking our turns when it was really important to do it.  Cause everyone knows that everyone goes, and everyone needs it, of course.  And if you don't take turns, you can get scoldings from people who's been waitin' and waitin' and some, well they just gotta go.  And then there's the people who offer their place in the line cause they can see that the other person just can't wait anymore.

But Hillary, she's a fine lady and used to getting her way. She called me the other day and told me she was expectin' Granny to make way for her, in the ways Hillary thinks it should be.  She said, "I sent you an email, Granny.  I told everybody I sent it.  Well maybe I sent it to you, but I was in China that day.  Well, maybe it was the time I was in Moscow.  No, wait, I was in Africa someplace.  Doggone it, I sure can't remember it now.  After all, Granny, maybe you can't remember.  You don't remember, now do you?  Well, about that bathroom.  Never mind.  I'll wait my turn after all.  Bernie Sanders is in back of me pushin' and remindin' me of common folk.  Oh, no, Granny, I sure don't mean you.  Well, maybe I do, but not common.  Not common the way you might think.  No, simple.  Well, not simple in your mind.  Oh, let me get off the phone so you can talk to Donald.  He's throwin' a tantrum right now."

Then little Donald, I hear him a-yellin' in the background, sayin' somethin' like, " Is that Granny?  Oh, yes I remember when I was in Cloutierville---just passing through 'cause my Daddy said don't stay too long since that old lady was probably going to think we are relatives.  But I think she's all mixed up, you know she might be Mexican or black or even Muslim, since I hear tell she says she loves everyone and is always taking their sides.  Well, she looks white, but we have to be careful, since no one really knows what she is. "

And then Donald gets on the phone with me and says, "Granny?  Yes, I'll be coming real soon.  Now remember I need special things cause I am a very rich and important man.  You know I am the richest and most important man in the whole world..  In fact I will need a new house when I come to see you.  Can you have it built before I get there?  I will be there in about a week or so, and have the folks hurry it along.  And yes, I will send them some money.  Well, I guess I forgot that fellow Larry.  He's complaining I didn't pay him for the house down the road?  Well I turned it into a casino and gave it to somebody else.  He can just get the money from that.  But this place I'll be staying that I want you to order it built, it needs to be fine; and after all if folks know I stayed there, that will make it important enough.  So maybe the guy who builds it ought to pay me instead of me paying him.  That makes sense." And he gets off the phone, and I hears him say, "Good cents for me" and good sense for my folks out there 'cause anything I say, they'll agree."

That Hillary and Donald they wants to be President, but Granny just don't know 'bout that.  If they can't take turns and think they're outsmartin' Granny and just change the subject, or turn things around like they do, they'd have a tough time here in Cloutierville---so how could either one of them run the country?  Here in Cloutierville they'd have to take turns using the bathroom, or one of them would just have to go out back where the old one still stands and where there is all that manure.  Well, I think that might just be good enough.

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