Saturday, July 30, 2016

Granny catches Russia red-handed with US election evidence

Carrier pigeons fly everywhere, even to Russia from Cloutierville
I done told that child Vladimir Putin to stay out of Cloutierville business, and now I sees he's meddlin' in politics where he oughtn't stick his nose.  So I sent one of the carrier pigeons of Cloutierville with a note from Granny to Russia today, in Russian, so Putin would be sure to understand.

"Уважаемый Владимир, Это бабка здесь. Я skippin 'все довольно разговора, потому что я много ума. Ты получаешь людей снова осадить с махинациями. Вы пытались подсмотреть в Cloutierville когда ты был маленьким мальчиком, и я должен был отправить вас в сарае много раз для этого. и вы думает, что ты высок и могуч, как этот Trump ребенок мой, который действует как вы дружит. Может быть, он перережем снова, потому что ты никогда не знаешь, с этим мальчиком, но это далеко и проблема Макин вокруг вашего района. Это время вы узнали от бабушки снова только держаться подальше от нашей.  And here's my reminder in English, as you likely need to practice since you don't always do what Granny says.  Now let me continue in your language so there is no confusin' what you had better do:

Friday, July 29, 2016

Cats are taking over and politicians have to take their crap outside

Out for a spin in Cloutierville
So I was down to Mabel's house the other afternoon, and she was trying to teach her cat to go to the bathroom.  She's been doin' it for weeks, and I had to talk to her bout that, cause everyone knows about toilets, cats and training, if they've ever had a cat.  That's why they is takin' over, and those politicians have to take their crap outdoors.

Now my cat, Jack, it didn't take me long to find out just who was teachin' who.  And now I got it straight, and I'm passin' it along.  It didn't take him long to train this old lady here.  In fact it only took five minutes for me to learn who's boss.

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

It's a wonderful life. Don't make it Trumpsville.

Donald Trump as Mr. Potter in Its a Wonderful Life (orig of Trump from Wikimedia Commons)
So I went down to the Cloutierville Savings and Loan the other day and wondered what was goin' on.  I sees Mr. Bailey lookin' all worried and all and I asks him, "It's a wonderful life here in Cloutierville, how comes you look so glum?"

And poor George he looks up with great big tears in his eyes and says.  "Everybody could lose their life savings, including me if this rich man ends up with the Savings and Loan and then takes over the town.  I'm worried what's going to happen to us all if he does because this bank might turn into a casino and our houses into shacks. "

Granny says, 'Gimme Edward R. Murrow for the news'

Edward R Murrow challenged ideas
Now I heard it right, so I gotta wonder why they repeat it over and over, as if this old Granny can't figure out what these people they is doin'.  They keep sayin' fair and balanced, but what I hear is the kind of talk that goes on over the clothesline in my backyard after everybody finishes washin.' Wish Edward R Murrow were alive today so he could give the news.

 It's like Jack Nicholson said to Tom Cruise in that picture show about A Few Good Men, "you can't handle the truth." Well, Eddie knew even a fourth grader like me knew the truth from smelly underwear.  And I don't need folks talkin' round the bush all day like I ain't got education.

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Argue politics? Tossin' mud, won't get you Granny's pie

Pecan pie for dessert for people who don't throw mud.
"Get in here!  You heard me, I said get in this house.  I taught you better than that, you slingin' mud and talkin' bad bout folks.  Now get in this house and wash yourselves, or you ain't gettin' dinner, cause in Cloutierville we don't talk bad bout people and toss mud on them cause we end up gettin' dirty too."

All of them varmints whose runnin' these parties they call conventions,  and folks who argue politics, well Lord a-mercy they bother this old heart and the people they done talkin around they all got stuff to say.  But in Cloutierville we don't talk bad bout folks and just talk bout bad manners.  It's the manners that's bad, not people we hurt and may not know and Rule #9 is for that.  In fact it's so important it was even written down a long, long time ago.  It's gossipin' that makes The Man Upstairs real sad, this Granny knows

Monday, July 25, 2016

Granny won't speak at Hillary's Democratic Convention

Hillary Clinton, candidate for President of the United States
Hillary Clinton just called, and there's been such a fuss about Debbie Wasserman Schultz, and it's an email thing again.  All this email business gets Granny tired,  but that child is so upset, I said I'd have a listen. Bein' in charge and sortin' things out, well there's too much in the rest of the world I gotta do right now than worryin' about emails.  But I said I'd spend some time on the phone with her since that child needs someone to talk real plain, especially today.

"Oh, Granny, every day there's something.  I just don't know why things happen all the time to me.  I try and try and try to be good, but they still don't like me now.  I tell them over and over again I do the best I can, but I just can't get anyone to understand.  If you could come and speak for me, people would listen to you; and that would really help."  She's cryin' now, and Granny thinks that might be what she needs.

Sunday, July 24, 2016

Preachin', pancakes and politics don't mix in Granny's kitchen

The pans in Granny's kitchen
Well, Preacher Joe he stopped by this mornin' lookin' for some of Granny's pancakes, but he done learned what other folk have, and that's preachin' , pancakes and politics don't mix in this here kitchen.

"Hey Granny, you make the best pancakes here in Cloutierville; and I said to myself I gotta get myself down there to your kitchen with my great, big appetite." Then Preacher Joe climbed up on my back stairs with a big smile on his face, like I was just a-waitin' for what he had to say.

Saturday, July 23, 2016

'Light a candle for the peaceful Muslim people of Afghanistan', Granny prays today

Its even little innocent children getting killed today by extremists called ISIS
I hear the sounds of bombs and killin' everywhere, cause this old Granny has those eyes that sees the world and hears everything that happens no matter where they is.  And Granny never talks twice for you on every single day, but today it is important 'cause sometimes other folk don't tell you what you need to know that's happening right now.

I've watched and listened carefully and took my time with this.  I hear the quarrels everywhere, the people talkin' hate.  Where Granny preaches love today; some others talk in angry ways, and some they hurt and kill.  And that's what happened you should know so you don't always worry that everyone who's different is someone you should fear.

What everyone can learn from Granny's Jack, the friendliest cat in Cloutierville

Granny's Jack just lying by the door to open so he can welcome folk
There he is watching the postman come up the walk here in Cloutierville and waggin' his tail again.  Jack he done loves everyone and knows the neighbors well. For Jack the cat there is no strangers, It's the start of something wonderful from the friendliest cat in this here town that everyone should know.

When someone comes to call on me, Jack is always at the door.  He says his hellos by goin' around and around, then sitting down right in front of where the person is sittin' or standin' to make sure that he done gets noticed and to welcome folks as well.

Friday, July 22, 2016

Granny tells her Donald Trump what makes Cloutierville great

Main street of Cloutierville
Granny called little Donald Trump this morning, and this is what I said, "I like to listen to the radio, cause old Franklin he talked just like he was one of the family, but last night Donald I got worried since you is one of the family here, and I wants to make sure you know what makes Cloutierville great 'cause I think you done forgot.

"Cloutierville is a very old town, " as I reminded little Donald Trump his history right here.  "People came from many places to be the neighbors, up and down the river and around the countryside.  They built houses, some still old and standing up.  Some made mistakes, for sure, that made their neighbors weep and cry and feel real bad sometimes.  But then one day, Granny she started her remindin' to tell these folks just what it means to be a family and how to get along.  And I gots to do it again right now cause people like you, well then done forgot."

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

A Cloutierville lesson on stealing another child's work

Dunce cap when you don't learn your lessons and try to cheat
"Melania?  This is Granny.  Now you know who this is, and don't try to hide behind Donald again 'cause I needs to be talkin' to you.  Remember pretty is as pretty does.  And just maybe you got help and maybe you didn't, but the lesson's important the same.

Melania sure grew up to be one pretty lady, but there's somethin' teachers in Cloutierville tell their students and that's not to cheat on lessons.  So Melania needs to learn again what it means to copy someone else whether she got help or not.

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Granny tells Joey black and blue and all lives matter, that the future is his to change

Police officer at street fair in San Francisco
Little Joey climbed upon my lap just a few minutes ago with great, big tears in his eyes.  And it was hard to talk to him 'bout what had happened down the road somewhere that babies just don't understand and why all lives matter and why police are getting shot and killed these days.

Joey told me, "Granny, I told my Momma when I grow up I want to be a policeman and help people. My Mama she said to ask you about it, and then she started cryin', tellin' me black and blue don't mix these days, and maybe I should grow up and be somethin' else, not a policeman." Joey looked up and showed me his arm, all small and brown and sweet and put it on Granny's arm and said.  "Mama told me always to remember black lives matter.  Then she said to talk to you 'cause she said what's going on is so hard to understand."

Monday, July 18, 2016

Clinton and Trump: On sharing the bathroom at Granny's house

Granny's outhouse
At Granny's house there's just one bathroom, and when Hillary and Donald come to visit, they'll learn the kind of manners they is gonna need.

You see here in the country the houses just have one bathroom.  No fancy stuff here.  We wait our turn, and everyone learns to be patient, take turns, stand in line.  No one is better than another person when it comes to using the bathroom.

Saturday, July 16, 2016

Muslim woman embraced by Granny's love

She called today, my dear, sweet baby, in so much hurt and tears. But Granny knows the pain of it, as her babies are everywhere, of every faith, in every place, of every hue and creed.

Little Sarwat, what a lovely name, a joy of Granny's heart. Granny's cookin' everyone loves, but I turns to ones who knows about food and who can sometimes be teachin' me.

But these are times that Granny understands some need her more right now. And Sarwat tells me she tries to say what other folks cannot. For she knows her faith is one of peace, and that there are folks who use it to divide, to hurt, destroy. She turns to Granny's heart at times 'cause she knows that in these arms is love for her and everyone who loves The Man Upstairsc. What makes things worse for her and for her friends is them terrorists try to make these good people to blame for everything, as if they were part of the evil ways that some folks have that make everyone else look bad.

My dear, Sarwat, your Granny knows; and yes I am right here, where love is strong, where wisdom lives, where no hate enters in. “

I hear her whisper, softly now, the tears are brushed aside. The night is gone; the daylight comes, and like every eternal flower that blooms in love's strong light, my little Sarwat stands up strong and shining and so beautiful she makes her Granny proud.

Friday, July 15, 2016

Granny comforts the French in a time of terror

I don't know who these scalliwags are anymore, who hurt so many folks.  From here where Granny sees the world, the door is shut to hate..  In Cloutierville, the land of peace, their like cannot come home.  For every man comes from this cradle, this place where Granny lives.  But when someone does awful things, Granny locks her heart real tight and knows The Man Upstairs will judge what we can't understand.
Comes from The Man Upstairs who offers this to everyone from His garden of love and mercy.

Paradise in Cloutierville

Thursday, July 14, 2016

Granny: "Shake the apple tree"

The apple tree outside Granny's window
"You're really missing out, Granny."  Jenny tells me this every time she comes over to visit.  "If you don't have an Apple, how are you going to keep up with things?  You're on Facebook, so I think you need to get with the rest of the world and get a tablet so you can be 24/7 like the rest of us."

Well, you see, when I was young we climbed the apple trees, and we could see all over.  Now when I climb, 'cause all that work pickin' pecans kept these old bones goin', I see all over the world.  There's somethin' 'bout growin' older that gives the mind and heart a chance to grow stronger.  Never forget that, Jenny, for that will help you most.

Granny doesn't need those gadgets to see how her babies is doin'.  I got eyes in the back of my head and I hear every sound that goes by.
I keeps tellin' Jenny, but she goes talkin' over and over how I gotta learn to do things the modern way. Poor Jenny, maybe she's the one  missing out while she keeps her head down looking at those contraptions and never climbs trees anymore..

I was ridin' on the bus the other day, and these young folks were sittin' and staring at those dagged gum contraptions as if they were all dead asleep.  I was standin' up, hangin' onto this little strap wrapped around a pole, like a bunch of other old folks were doin'.  Then the bus stopped sharp and poor Auntie Dorothy couldn't hold on, and she fell down hard, on the floor of the bus and the people didn't pay her no mind.  Those young folks just kept on a starin' at those gadgets of theirs, while they never seen the what it said just above their silly heads to give old folks a place to sit down.

Now Granny don't mind people readin' away and watching those picture shows on those things they hold in their laps.  But it's like that old apple tree where you gotta watch what is goin' on or you miss the good things and bad.  And you gotta shake the apple tree once in awhile and watch how the apples may fall.  Some fall on the ground and hit folks on their heads.  Other apples just lay there, lookin' tasty and good so's them folks picks them up when they's hungry.  When we keep our eyes lookin' around at those apples, well we see who needs food and who will get hit in the head.

I'd rather be climbing an old apple tree where my dear Elmer once carved our names and see everyone that I love and watch out for the good and the bad, 'stead of putting then shake that old tree when I know where the folks are hungry 'cause that's what them apples are for.