Monday, September 8, 2014

Queen Elizabeth gets scolding from Granny about changing diapers and real work

Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip
"What in tarnation are you doing calling me at this hour of the morning?  Can't you tell time?  It's early over here, and Granny needs her sleep. Queen who?  You're gonna be a great-granny again, you say?  Well, don't that beat all.  I don't call folks in the wee hours like this just to let them know there's another baby on the way, even if I was the Queen of England like you says you is.  Besides you're one of my grandbabies yourself, you know, so I hope you take my advice since this Granny has more babies than you will ever have."

Now I ain't heard about you babysitting that baby George nor any of your other grandbabies and not even his daddy, William.  So if you're gonna be braggin' and wavin' and all of that, you need to do your job.  And your job is helpin' out your children, like giving them a break from all that gettin' up at night and not being able to go anyplace without the baby along."

"Well, Granny I'm gettin' old, and I got other things to do, like meeting important folks and picking out new hats and making sure the servants keep the coach all clean and nice so my clothes don't get messy and everyone can see me looking like royalty should be."  Elizabeth gives me that tone she uses when she's feelin' she's in charge (she tells me I gotta call her Elizabeth now and that Lizzie ain't so dignified since she's the Queen.

"Now don't you sass me, girl."  I remind her who's really in charge, and it sure ain't her right now.

" It seems to me if you is the Queen of England, you ought to know how to behave like a great-granny  first of all, cuz that's more important than putting on some fancy gloves and standin' and wavin' on some big porch and all.  It's not like you're runnin' a church or some other important place.  After all I heard tell that jolly old England ain't so jolly after all, so some of your Scottish people they gettin' tired of all that fal-de-rol..  They know, like Granny and everybody else, you don't even have to call the meeting to order like folks who run the government, and I heard tell you make a lot of money just for wavin' and ridin' around in that coach of yours getting those poor horses all tuckered out since you put on all that weight and never done lost any of it when you had your babies yourself.  Besides with all that money you're makin' you sure could afford a car.

Now get yourself off the phone right now and give poor Kate a break, since she's been getting sick in the morning and likely could use some help.  Not that you know what to do since you ain't done real work like other folk, but you can call me anytime and ask."


  1. Lawsy! That's the gods honest truth you tellin', Granny! My own momma reminds me of Lizzie, except she is, by no means, royalty. She sure thinks it, though. I ain't kiddin'.

  2. Sorry Granny was out of the country for awhile, you know her work is hard. But she loves you little darlin' for talkin' to her here.