Saturday, February 19, 2011

Thomas learns if you don't get what you want do the right thing anyway

"Granny, I asked for an "A" in spelling and didn't get it cause God didn't help me out when I prayed, so why should I just keep doin' things when no one seems to care, and I told Thomas, "Do it anyway."

You do what you need to do because it's the right thing.  You live the life you ought to live in Cloutierville or wherever you may be because it's the right thing to do.  And if you don't get what you want, those dreams and hopes don't always turn out the way you want, "Do it anyway.  Build your life in every way that's good.  Love those who hate you. "

Thomas took the paper, went into his room, and I heard him as he said his prayers out on the porch.  "I'll do the best I can on the spelling test tomorrow and You can be there if you want to, God, but I know you're busy helping people all over the world, so no matter what I'll study my spelling anyway.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Myrtle picked up for smoking pot

Myrtle called yesterday.  She said, "Granny, they are allowing us one phone call, so Bud said to call you.  I was smoking pot when we got picked up in Tennessee "
marijuana - wikimedia commons
"Pot?" I said.  "What's that?"

"Well, some folks call it weed and some call it bong, but the police here wrote down marijuana."Myrtle said.

"That's what they talk about on television, ain't it?  How did you get that?" I asked Myrtle because mercy me that could be serious.

"I got it in California when I went to visit my kids, and the doctor gave me a prescription for my glaucoma.  He said it should help me, so I took it to this store and got some.  Bud said that should be okay, we got that paper so we shouldn't have any trouble."

Then we get to Tennessee, and this policeman he pulls us over cause our license plates expired.  I was smoking this little weed, and the policeman said, "Give me some of that stuff."  So I thought he had glaucoma too and gave it to him straight away.

 "Now lady, what are you doing with this shit?" that policeman said.   And Bud got mad when that fellow swore like that and he said, "Don't say that weed is shit because it makes my Myrtle real upset for you to swear like that.  So don't you talk like that, you youngster, or I'll whup you here and now."

"So now we're at the police station, and they're talkin' to Bud right now.  They said I had to pay some fine for havin' that little weed, but Elmer he got busted when he talked back to that police officer, and I heard overheard that policeman tell someone here, "That is real good shit, she had.  Wanna try some, Chief."

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Egyptian cupcakes

I'm getting kind of tired this weekend, cause I been baking a whole lot of cupcakes.  All those folks in Egypt, well they deserving Granny's cupcakes for the way they done behaved.
Lots of cupcakes - Victory variety - wikimedia commons

You know, I told those folks when they started out, "Now you act nice and don't act up.  You might get mad, but remember what your Granny here might think."

And you know these babies done what they was told.  So I think they deserve all the cupcakes they can get today, but here's the problem.  You see I got the cupcakes goin' but delivering will be hard.  There's too much traffic there right now, and too many politicians and other folks shootin' off their mouths, so I might not be heard.

So I'll put them on this counter and send them as I can, and any of those folks who get to Cloutierville soon can pick them up right here.

We're just past Derry if you're comin' from the  north from I49 and just turn off when you see the sign.  If you're comin' from the other direction, if you pass Derry, you've gone too far.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

A different kind of God

I am going out in the morning to talk and walk about with a different kind of God.  That different kind may be yours, or maybe He is not.  You’re welcome to come with me and find out who He is
Hand of God - wikimedia commons
You see my God loves you and me and everyone He sees.  He hears the voice of anyone.  He hears the birds that sing.  He loves the ones who don’t love Him and loves them just like you.

The God I see today, I see in dreams as well.   I see Him everywhere in living every day.  I see Him in the faces of His children, as they walk around this earth.  I see Him in the things that grow, that live and die in moments much too fast.  He takes my hand and strolls the paths with everyone, just as He does with me.  He never judges how I walk and won’t allow me either to judge you.

The baseball team I cheer about; the football team I praise, I think my God enjoys those games and happily as well.  But I think he cheers those other teams just as much as those He cheers with me.

The God I love is watching people happy far away.  He trusts them as He trusts those who live in my neighborhood.  In fact, I think He thinks of us as all that neighborhood that’s His.  He told me I was brother, sister, father, mother, husband, wife, child, or kin some way to many, many people, some I may never, ever know, that I may never see.  But they are part of me today, as they are part of you.

The flag unfurls somewhere, some place.  The people smile and sing.  God looks upon each heart and says, “Don’t let that flag replace God’s place.”  He whispers in my ear; and if you listen closely, you will hear Him as I do, “Loving country, that is fine.  But loving me is Truth.”

I watched the sun come up today.  I thought of all of you.  Perhaps you will not come with me to feel that different kind of God.  You may not even think there is a God that’s there for you, but that different kind of God I love just smiles and says, “I’m there beside all creatures great and small and will be there wherever you are too.”

That different kind of God makes Sunday special, but He makes every day so it is special too.  The times He spends in quiet times with us,  He doesn’t want to hear the worst from you about the folks you know.  Nor does He want to hear the worst from me.  He says instead, just walk and see the best instead.  

We struggle.  Experts say our nature makes us who we are, but somewhere with that different kind of God that many people know and love, that nature is what binds us all the same.  For nature is the gift of God that takes the science of the earth and weaves it into mysteries that you and I can find.

I’m leaving now.  You can stay home, or walk with me today.  For on that path of love and light, the majesty is there, the smiles of happy people, the joys of everyone, the trust in one another is on this path of light.  

A different God who speaks to every faith, to every heart, who moves and lives and breathes perhaps is not what some folk think about or even can believe.  But that’s no matter, you can come; He doesn’t mind, because you’re the kind of company He wants, no matter how you look or feel or what you think about.

He is a different kind of God, but maybe not, for different as He is to me, He’s different still for you.

Glenn Beck needs history lessons and a switch on his behind

He failed his history lessons here.  He fails them even now.  So I told Glenn Beck, "You listen, child, you don't fool people here, cause we learned long ago in Cloutierville you got nothin' between those ears when you talkin' bout those people so happy now in Egypt."
Glenn Beck don't know his history - wikimedia commons

Now Granny don't like to talk bad about her grandchildren, but sometimes they just so riled up and silly when they's mad or when they don't know nothin' and want to be important.  So I just laugh at little Beck, except when I think bout those folks around who don't know him like we do.  Tellin' folks those babies in Egypt don't got the right to say they want their government free and that they is Communists and fundamentalists.  Well, that's the real bad thing bout that Beck, when that boy  don't read history good.  And that swearin'?  I don't bring my children up to talk like that, no way.

I told that child, "I warned you, son.  You got to learn to read.  What's more I think you need to learn to think as well.  Cause all those people you think you foolin', well some of them think better than you.  The rest of them, the rest of us will help figure you out.  You better go back to school, but you also better watch those britches, cause Elmer says he has an itch for a switch on that behind, down in the woodshed where Granny thinks you might want to sit with Hosni Mubarak when he gets here too.  The both of you have earned the whuppin' Elmer's gonna give.

Friday, February 11, 2011

As Egypt celebrates, woodshed waits for Hosni Mubarak

"Do you still love me, Granny?" he asked, and he sounded real sad at the time.  I was watchin' on television all those people in Egypt so happy, when he called.
Woodshed waiting for Mubarak - wikimedia commons

But Granny loves all of her children, no matter how hard that may be, especially when they been bad like Mubarak.  So this is what I told him today.

"Sure Granny loves you, but she sure don't like what you done.  And because you don't say how you're sorry, the woodshed is waitin' right here in Cloutierville, if you get shipped out of the country; and you'll wish you hadn't caused all that trouble.  You hear?

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Granny tells Mubarak: You are not their daddy

"Hosni?  Shame on you.  I said shame on you.   I should have got there with my fryin' pan long ago, but Elmer's been sick a spell, so it's hard to get away.  But I had my eyes on you, and your shenanigans, they causin' trouble..  Now, let me give you that in Arabic little Mr. Mubarak so you get this message good."
Snakes - wikimedia commons

سني؟ عار عليك. قلت عار عليك. وأرجو أن يكون هناك حصلت مع عموم fryin بلادي 'منذ فترة طويلة ، ولكن إلمر لقد موجة المرضى ، لذلك فمن الصعب الحصول على بعيدا. ولكن كان لي عيني عليك ، والخدع الخاص بك ، فإنها causin 'مشكلة'. والآن ، اسمحوا لي أن أقدم لكم أن في اللغة العربية حتى تحصل على رسالتي حقيقية جيدة. '

"Did you get that?  I said get out of there.  Now don't tell me you can't hear or understand cause you're a whole lot younger than Granny, I dare say.  Now I gotta pass this around a bit, so the rest of my family understands too and don't help you just stay and make trouble so that's why I'm now speaking English.

You keep refusin'' to do what's right.  You sure need a switch on your behind, thinkin' you'll get away with that sure-fire nonsense over there in Cairo. Like I told you the other day, you ain't these babies father.  No, and you never were.   Know why?  Cause I knows all of them and their grannies too.  That's cause I take care of them when their grannies can't or if they die or go away somewhere.  I sort of fills in for lots and lots of folks, so I get all the birth announcements too.  And I know you ain't those babies' daddy, even though you talk like you are, which is darn nonsense, I think.

You fellers keep foolin' around, when there's lots of things those babies need.  You hear them cryin' down there?  I can hear all the way to Cloutierville, so it's for darn sure you can.

Now don't think if you turn of that television or the Internet, I won't know what you're doin.'  No sirree bob, I got eyes in the back of my head, and from down here on the swamps you might open up a box and get a really big surprise.  You know those things the Pharoahs used to kill theirselves?  Well, we got that all ready to go.

Granny celebrates Aretha Franklin, Queen of Soul, from the heart of Cloutierville

"Are you going this weekend, Granny?  After all, they are honoring senior singers, and I bet you got an invitation, didn't you?" I smiled to little Melody, cause sure Granny got an invite, but Aretha Franklin knows her Granny don't like flyin' much, so  she'll likely come to Cloutierville afterward to show off her big prize..
Aretha Franklin performing at Grammy Awards

That girl, well I tell you, I remember way back when she was just knee high to a grasshopper, and sure did hop around here.  That's because Louisiana, well we're where soul music counts.  We birthed it in our cotton fields, where people sang when they was hurtin' and even when they loved.  They sang it out of those hearts filled up with love of God in churches of the South.  In Louisiana that praise music still is what we love.

"Aretha," I wrote, "Thanks for the invitation to the Grammy Award; but the cold is so bad down here, I just been feelin' poorly but I hear you bounced back from that health scare a bit ago and that you tell folks you is damn happy..  But you know Granny is gettin' old and needs to stay out of the cold."

My baby, Aretha,  called and said, "Granny, you tell the folks back home in Cloutierville, I'll be thinkin' bout them when I get that award, cause all those years around good people makes a body sing real well.  So even if they don't say it out loud, lots of fans will know, that Louisiana down home soul music along with soul food too, can sure make a body want to sing out loud and proud, as folks say I can.  I'd like to honor Cloutierville and simple folk like you."

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Cooper told, "This ain't no Hurricane Katrina"

"Anderson, you get in this house this very minute and quit tip-toeing out there, worried about those rain puddles, little Cooper you just get so fired up over everything."

Little Anderson Cooper, around here he's just known as "Coop," because well, we all know bout those chickens he chased through my yard, trying to concoct some story to entertain his little friends.

He just keeps on entertaining. But when he was little it was hard to sort out which were tales and which were tales that were true, cause that child he sure liked to act and act up. I guess that's why he wanted to be a journalist.

So I told him, those puddles out there by my porch here in Cloutierville, they don't mean nothin' to no one. The rain around here ain't been no Hurricane Katrina. And there aren't going to be a whole slew of alligators comin' on this property, with the big one here to protect this house.

But I thanked him for thinkin' bout me, sure enough, lookin' after his Granny like he seems to want to do with everyone else.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Granny's secret for Super Bowl no secret anymore

"Who do you want to win the Super Bowl, Granny," my niece Melinda asked.  "Granny ain't got no favorites, you know that," Robert replied, but then someone found out Granny's secret.
Pittsburgh Steeler fans - wikimedia commons
Granny loves everyone.  That sure is fair.  It's important when there are folks all over the world with their own ideas, opinions, whether that's religion, politics or sports.  But if you got all those people to love, here and there, how can anyone choose from all them?

But Pittsburgh?  Well, don't tell nobody.  I'm just writin' this fast so I don't get into trouble round here, with all those grandbabies takin' sides today.  Them Pittsburgh grandbabies had been sufferin' so with the cold and the blustery days.  They ain't as pretty and warm as Cloutierville.  Then they had to give up all that steel industry and turn their town around.  They got lots of schools,, so they're smart, lots of them.  So we need those poor souls to be safe and be happy too.  What do you think?

So I got my popcorn, some gumbo, some beer with the rest of the crowd and say, "Salute fans of both Packers and Steelers!  Whoever wins, Granny will love."

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Granny ready to go to Egypt with her hot frying pan to help 76-year-old woman

"That's it.  They ain't takin' us old girls down, no sirree.  Mary Thornbee says if anyone busts in her apartment she will bonk them with her rollin' pin.  Well, I got a hot fryin' pan to help, and I'm on my way, if they'll get me to the airport in time."I said to the consulate.
They better hide out in a pyramid like this to avoid Granny's hot fryin' pan - wikimedia commons

Now I can't say that gal has balls, cause she don't, and neither do I.  But ovaries, maybe, unless she lost them like me.  Oh, well that don't count since it's just a sayin' fellers made up to feel superior in times like these.

I just can't get through to Anderson Cooper.  He gets all teary himself, so I think he likely needs help too.  After all, folks can see Granny writes.  And I'll bring all the cupcakes I can load up, and Mary and I can pass them out along the way.

The thing is, I got this idea.  There's some pretty strong weed, my grandson said he'd put in, that would get them all to lie down and just play and sing instead of shooting each other in Egypt.

I said to him, "Weed?  That don't make sense."  He told me, "Granny, trust me.  That's what will work.  Besides with you and that tough old lady can take down those boys, if not with the rollin' pin and fryin' pan, with the scoldin' you give around here---well look out!  Those fellers tryin' to make trouble on those horses and all, and hurtin' those people who just want to vote like people in Cloutierville, don't know who they'd be tanglin' with if my Granny got them by the collars."

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Cupcakes and children's wisdom for world problems

"They are throwing rocks at us, Granny.  Should we run or throw some of them back?"  Molly and Gordon are breathless, not knowing just what to do.
If cupcakes could solve the world problems - wikimedia commons

"How did it start?" came the question, but the children they just got confused and started talking at once, so no one could understand much.

"Those kids from Alexandria are just mean.  They came here after school yesterday and said their town was better than ours.  Then they stuck out their fingers and said 'try me' and so we started fighting back."

"With words," this old Granny, asked but knew that's how these bad things happen with children, with adults and all over the world.  Sometimes the problem is water, and no one pays much attention, even when it can be more important than anything else.  Instead people fight over words.

So the answer is always so hard for Granny's babies, right now and when they grow up.

"It isn't who starts the fight as much as where it is going and finding the best place to stop it.  It means children, adults who are willing to listen and find some way to solve problems that won't hurt people who tomorrow will be friends again.  Knowing how is like finding your steps, where you went, so you don't make those mistakes again."

Molly put down her rock and sat down.  "I'm not going out there right now," she said.  "I'm going to find some of your cupcakes and put them out on the porch with a note that says to take all you want, cause there's more sugar  in the world to make more."

It's simple, my sweet Molly's wisdom.  How many today wish cupcakes could solve the world's problems in simple ways like Molly explains, and people could just sit and eat on this porch in Cloutierville where everyone knows there's a spoonful of sugar and a happy song somewhere to make everything feel just right.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Granny calms Derrick's fears about the violent weather

Derrick was watching those news shows.  "Aren't you scared, Granny," he asked and I told him, it's time to get back to his school work, but no Granny isn't scared as much as she worries that people forget children worry a lot about things adults say and what is on television too.

It was mostly the weather Derrick worried about because we all have family in Kansas, Chicago and all over the country, one end to the other, where everything looks really bad..  The skies they looked gray in Cloutierville, with lightning, and winds and the rain they came down, so the little ones here they got scared.  There are ways we teach children about weather so they understand more than just listening to frightening things.

In an old woman's life, weather changes are part of what happens again and again; but for children they worry so Granny remembers how we need to be with those tykes.  They wake up in the night and get scared, then crawl into my bed.  So Granny is going to tuck my little grandchild,  Derrick, in his bed with his teddy and tell him sweet dreams, not to worry, cause Granny is here.  His cousins will soon be all right.