Thursday, October 14, 2010

Airplane trouble too much for Granny

 "Myrtle, where have you been after we been waiting here at the airport for hours?  It's worse than a revival meeting down the road a piece in Cloutierville where folks go to one of those big tents out in the field all day, but at least they'd be singing, and Myrtle tells me she and Bud sure don't feel like singing after being on that plane.
airplanes at sunrise - wikimedia commons
Then Myrtle she sets about telling me what happened and about all those rules and trouble at the airport.  She says she and Bud they went through this long line at the airport and waited and waited, and then they got to where these folks were taking off their shoes and putting them out there and those shoes went through a covered up window in a box and some folks didn't know what to do, Myrtle says.  Then they all were told to walk through this little doorway, and then the alarms went off. 

"And you set off alarms?  Did you light a match or something?"  I was asking Myrtle a bunch of questions, but I couldn't get a word in edgewise cause she was tellin me how she took off her shoes, and then they made her take off her wristwatch, and Bud took off his belt and while he was walking and holding up his pants, Myrtle went through this little door and these alarms kept going off over and over again.

Then Myrtle tells me they took Bud and her off to the side and took this long metal thing and clunk, clunk, clunk they went all over them with it.  Bud's got a pacemaker and had his knee fixed, and Myrtle's got these two metal things in her hips, and Myrtle said they kept asking them what they were hiding in there.

"I told them we wasn't hiding anything, " Myrtle said.  "But they said they had to be careful because we might be terrorists."  "Then Bud told them, "She sure is that," and that must have got them really worried because all these people came rushing around and making us put our hands up and spread our legs, and those alarms just kept going off something crazy."

Myrtle she's big like, and she don't take no guff, so she said she grabbed her purse and started hitting one of those fellows holding that metal rod, and pulling down her skirt with the other hand and telling them no way were they going to lift that skirt up like they was lifting up Bud's shirt.

So they finally get on the airplane,  after that commotion, and they're waiting and waiting in their seats, and Bud has to go to the bathroom. Myrtle tells me, and they won't let him go on the airplane because it isn't moving, which sounded real crazy because their toilet's on the ground, so why not?  And she said Bud was fussing, and this stewardess goes up to him and says, "You don't have to make a stink here."  And Bud says, "I sure am if you don't let me in that bathroom."

So Bud he goes into that bathroom, Myrtle explains, and then he hears this voice tell everybody to take their seat, so he goes back in and says to someone outside to tell him when he can come out.  But nobody ever does, and he's in that bathroom the whole trip.

So Myrtle tells me she and Bud aren't coming to the Poke Salad patch on that airplane for another visit because sitting on that seat made Bud's butt feel bad, but I tell her I heard worse about folks those airplane people wouldn't let eat or go to the bathroom, so I'll just take the bus rather than put up with all that silly business.

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