Thursday, September 2, 2010

Granny wants to find out how David Vitter made himself a man

"Well, Elmer I'm going down the road here in Cloutierville and catch myself a ride and go see David Vitter and see how he made himself into a man." He just grunted a bit and told me to have a good time.

That fellow Vitter well he sure likes the girls, they tell me.  He calls them girls, I heard that once he likes call girls.  Someone told me he likes to get a piece of Southern tail, and well that would be me, only I'm the whole body too.  I can also give that fellow a piece of mind if I don't get any straight answers.

So I get there and I'm sitting in the front row, but somebody said when I got there, "Now don't ask him any questions.  He only answers the ones you write down, and then he squints like he can't read them.  Then he hands them over to some other fellow, and that guy squints.  And then I guess they figure it out, but it's always about socialism and those Democrats and how health care is going to destroy America.  So I don't think you can ask him any questions except that."   

I said, "What?  No questions?  I got a whole sack full of questions.  Like what was he doing that Saturday night that time we were all walking along Bourbon Street in New Orleans, Elmer and me and Myrtle and Bud.  We sees him go into some big, tall house where there was a lot of noise going on and stuff with some good looking woman like me standing at the door with hardly nothing on.  Well, maybe she was a little younger than me, but real pretty like.  And Vitter, well I could hear him laughing and saying, "Well you pick out one for me this time."  Then the lady at the door says, "This one's on the house."

Elmer said, "Now Clara, don't you be going in there, girl.  It looks like there are some fellows taking up with girls in there, and I don't want you to know what's going on, you being so innocent and all. "

So I says to myself, "I got to find out about that house.  Lord knows I've been thinking and thinking, what could be so much fun, but some dark secret Elmer won't talk to me about."

When I asked Elmer about it later, he said, "You remember Billy around the corner about an acre and a half away?  Well, he went to one of those houses and made himself a man."

I sure want to know how a man goes into a house and then makes himself a man.  Is it like being born again?

Don't you think Vitter would know about that since he went in there himself, well he said just a time or two?   But somebody said he went there a whole lot of times.   So how come he needed to make a man of himself that many times.

Well he isn't like my Elmer, no sir, he's been a man since the beginning and he don't sneak out any back doors and not tell his wife, cause I'd feed him to that alligator.

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